Number1Woman (number1woman) wrote,
Number1Woman
number1woman

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Undecisive

Today hasnt been the best of days for me, it started off well with a jog at about 7am, then from then on I havent really been concentrating on important paperwork which I have been attempting to complete all day.

How possible is it to like someone you havent met? mad or what?

The only thoughts I have had in my mind all day is how can two human beings feel the same about each other when neither have spoken or met in person?

Like I have said previously in my journal that in the past i havent been the most faithful wife, but hey i guess im not the only one in this world... and if temptation gets in the way then who am i to brush it aside, especially when I had a husband who was always away on business for weeks on end and never even contacted me, he was probably flirting with some broad, using his charms to lure her into his bedroom for the evening. Anyway all that is in the past now and I am moving on with my busy life, I do like being single as i dont have anyone to answer to and i can please myself to come and go as i wish.


I guess what all this is leading to, is that im independant and strong headed and very career minded, although i am not into one night stands i also do not like to think that someone wants to own me, well not at the present time. I do not want to do anything on the rebound and i doubt that i would, i do have my head screwed on but i long for the company of an intelligent, passionate guy, who can make me laugh until i cry, spend the good days with me as well as the bad days, but until that initial meeting happens then i have no problems with that guy flirting about with other women, i am not posessive, i am open and honest and i would like to think that we are all on this earth for a reason and its no dress rehersal, so if the opportunity arises go for it!

I look back at when my father was alive, i could turn to him talk to him about anything, even sex and what i got up to! nothing shocked him, he was a great father and i loved him dearly,the times when i was little he would take me for days out if mother wanted a rest, the smell of his pipe still haunts me, i miss him terribly too, i still often cry at night longing to be able to talk to him one more time, but i know thats not possible. I think the most upsetting thing was that i was actually with him when he died, sitting next to his bed with my mother knowing that at any time he would take his last breath, even then my husband at the time didnt even accompany me, he decided to go out drinking with friends! That was probably the icing on the cake for the end of my marriage, what husband leaves his wife to cope with grief? I have a tear in my eye now thinking about my father, i hope that he would now be so proud of me but i will never know. If there is a god up there why does he take all the good people and leave some of the scum like i have to deal with each day of my working career?
Life just isnt fair sometimes!
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